


Ruined

by SM (abcdefuk_off)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Because i'm a Sucker for that Shit, Buckley-Diaz family, Fluff and Angst, Heavy on the angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Worried Eddie, blood thinner boy, happy new year, hurt Buck, mostly canon except the boys recently started dating, which is essentially still canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abcdefuk_off/pseuds/SM
Summary: Buck so desperately wants to begin the new year as perfectly as possible, and when things go wrong -- as they so often do -- it's up to Eddie to convince him that perfect is overrated.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 336





	1. Chapter 1

“This is a bit excessive, Buck.” 

“I told you we were going out to get decorations.” 

“Yeah, sure, but I didn’t expect you to buy the entire aisle. Hell, we don’t usually decorate for New Years – we just leave up all the Christmas stuff. And I think you bought enough food to feed an army, there’s just the three of us, babe.” Eddie huffed, switching the bags he was carrying between his hands, trying to get some circulation back into his fingers – even amidst the shuffling he didn’t miss Buck’s evasive shrug. The older man furrowed his brow in response to the action as he followed the tall figure into the apartment.

It took a moment, but about four steps into the room, Eddie realized what was missing from the familiar space. 

“You’re telling me you didn’t decorate for Christmas at all?” He balked, as he turned in a circle, looking around.

“I’m not telling you anything, but obviously there isn’t any fancy holiday décor around.” Buck stated, sweeping his arm lazily over his apartment.

“Never mind fancy, there isn’t _anything_.” Eddie replied, as he placed the bags he had onto the large kitchen Island. 

Buck shrugged once again as he carried the supplies he had bought over toward the couch. 

Eddie frowned, assessing his surroundings as he followed his boyfriend into the sitting area. Other than the Christmas card that Christopher had made for his Buck, which was proudly displayed in the center of the room, there wasn’t a drop of holiday cheer in the place. 

“I thought you liked Christmas?” Eddie queried, watching as Buck began removing and laying out the items he had purchased. Eddie was fairly certain that the Buckley children hadn’t had golden childhoods – though the man he loved seldom spoke of it – and it wasn’t a stretch to imagine that their Christmas’ hadn’t been the most magical, but Buck hadn’t appeared to have any issue with the holiday for as long as Eddie had known him. 

The younger man looked over his shoulder from where he was stooped over the coffee table, “I do like Christmas.” He stated, as though any other notion would be absurd. Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved by the information; he would hate to think that he had somehow missed out on his boyfriend hurting or struggling silently through the holiday. 

“Who could tell?” He commented with a smirk, gesturing to their surroundings. 

Buck shrugged for like the third time, but Eddie raised a parental eyebrow – because he wasn’t loving the evasive responses, and that was all it took for the blonde boy to relent. 

“I don’t know, babe. It’s been a busy year and I don’t even own decorations. Besides, we were working over Christmas and the day after - and I’ve been working the three days since – even if I had something to put up, I wouldn’t have gotten around to it.” Buck explained through a yawn. 

It made enough sense. Buck had said he usually worked Christmas and when he didn’t, he was often at his sister’s so he wouldn’t have much of a need for his own decorations. And both boys had been working over the holidays – and Buck had taken a couple extra shifts for guys who had to go out of town to see family. His boyfriend had just gotten off shift that afternoon and though Eddie had pleaded with him to get some _rest_ , Buck had immediately shown up at the Diaz home to pick Eddie up and drag him shopping for the food and décor they needed for the New Year’s celebration the little family was having. It hadn’t escaped the Diaz man how weary his partner looked though, that beautiful face was pale and black circles shadowed those gorgeous eyes; and even though Buck had been giddy with joy as they shopped for party supplies, Eddie hadn’t failed to notice the exhaustion that accompanied each movement. The older man was convinced to get the over-worked firefighter to rest tonight though, which was one of the reasons he had wanted just the three of them to celebrate, so it could be calm and relaxing and _restful_ – hopefully. Well, all that as well as the fact that Eddie was eager to ring in the New Year with his boys, he didn’t mind sharing them from time to time – it wasn’t fair to deprive the world of such gems – but not always. He had to share both Buck and Christopher with the entire fire family over Christmas, it was only fair he have them to himself on New Year’s Eve. 

“Where’s the bag with the glasses and the whistle thingys?” Buck asked, pulling Eddie from his thoughts. 

He squinted down at the items scattered over the table. “I don’t know, I just brought in the food.” 

“I must’ve left it behind the front seat.” Buck muttered, moving through the room. 

Eddie reached out and stopped the tall man with a hand around his hip, smiling when Buck paused and raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ll grab whatever got left in the truck, you just stay here and get your Martha Stewart on.” Eddie said with a wink. 

Buck’s lips had turned up in a little lopsided grin, as he cocked his head to the side. “Who’s Martha Steward?” 

“Stewart, with a ‘t’.” Eddie correct with an amused smirk. 

“Who’s Martha Stewart?” Buck asked, emphasizing the ‘t’.

Eddie shook his head. “A wasted reference it would seem.” 

Buck continued to stare at him, looking like a confused puppy with his head tilted to the side and those big bright eyes wide in question. 

“Don’t worry about it. You just focus on finding somewhere to hang that giant string of star lights you bought – I have to pick up Chris in an hour.” Eddie instructed, tapping his fingers lightly against Buck’s hip as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the soft cheek. He took a moment to watch the curious smile morph into something soft and shy, before making his way out of the apartment and back down to the truck. 

On the way down to the parking lot, he sent a text to his abuela, mentioning that he should be by in the next hour or so to grab his son, though with the amount of decorating Buck had planned he imagined it would probably take a bit more than sixty-minutes. He wasn’t sure why his boyfriend seemed so insistent on making such a big deal out of New Year’s Eve, but Eddie was happy to go along with anything that would make his boys happy – especially after the year they had both had. 

Eddie smirked as he found the missing bag, shaking his head in slight exasperation as he glanced in to see those terribly dorky 2020 glasses that his boyfriend had been shamelessly excited to find. 

“Your neighbours would probably rather this bag had stayed lost. I can’t imagine any of them are going to be happy to hear Christopher blowing on one of these whistles all night.” Eddie commented as he re-entered the apartment, pushing the door closed behind him. 

At the lack of any response, he looked up and scanned the space for that tall handsome figure.

“Buck?” He called out, making his way past the kitchen and toward the coffee table that still housed all the decorations. He glanced around and saw the string of lights on the floor over by the window. One of the stools from the kitchen island was pushed up against the wall and the lights looked as though they had been discarded carelessly on the ground, which made Eddie frown, because Buck had been so excited when he’d bought them. They were large glass stars all strung together and Buck had been immediately enamoured by them and enthusiastically pointed out that not only could they be used to decorate for the holiday, but they would look amazing in Christopher’s bedroom – which was how he justified the purchase to the skeptical older man. 

Eddie reached down to pick up the abandoned lights – which was when he caught sight of the blood. 

The bright red stood out in stark contrast to the white wire, staining a section of it as well as the small fragments that were left from one of the star-shapes that encased the lights. Eddie’s wide concentrated gaze swept across the floor, where it immediately tracked to a blood trail that lead across the space. 

“Buck!?” He called out, desperation thick in his tone as he tossed the strand of lights aside and followed the alarming large drops of red. 

He heard muffled cursing as he arrived at the bottom of the stairs, which he climbed two at a time, calling out once again for his boyfriend as he marched rapidly past the bed lined at the edge of the loft. The sound as well as the blood trail both lead the terrified firefighter to the bathroom, the door wasn’t fully closed, so he didn’t bother knocking before shoving it open. 

Buck was hunched over the sink and a string of curses could be heard over running water rushing from the taps. 

“Babe? What’s going on?” Eddie asked, noticing how his boyfriend startled in surprise, obviously having been too distracted with whatever he was doing to notice the other man’s entrance. 

Buck looked up, face pale and tired, but also pinched in what appeared to be either frustration or anxiety – maybe both. Eddie was about to repeat his question, when he followed the blue pair of eyes as they tracked back down towards the sink. He barely bit back a gasp at the amount of red liquid dripping all over the chalk-white porcelain. 

“Fuck.” He cursed as he moved forward. “Let me see.” 

“It’s not a big deal.” Buck dismissed.

“Let me see.” Eddie repeated, urgency in his tone as he reached into the sink towards the hand that appeared to be the source of the massacre. 

Buck huffed, but allowed his hand to be gently grasped by two large hands that momentarily removed it from the stream of water and carefully flipped it over. 

“Shit.” Eddie cursed, as he saw the bloody mess that was his boyfriend’s palm. 

“It’s not that bad.” Buck insisted. 

Eddie clenched his jaw and shook his head, because it was definitely bad. He had a difficult time finding the wound under the pool of red, but once he directed it back beneath the tap, he was able to see the jagged laceration across the pale skin. 

“It’s okay, Eds, really. I just need to wrap it up.” 

“You need stitches, Buck.” Eddie assessed. 

“I don’t. It’s just the thinners making –

“Yeah, that’s why you’re losing so much blood, but your hand is ripped open, babe.” 

“I’ve got some butterfly bandages in the cabinet.” 

“Do you see how far apart your skin is? And how jagged this thing is? No way will those cut it.” 

“Then we can just use the gauze—

“Buck—

“There’s tape somewhere—

“Buck.” 

“We can just wrap it tight—

“Evan.” The rare use of his first name must have been what finally got the younger man to stop talking and look over at his boyfriend. Eddie waited for those beautiful blue eyes to meet his before speaking slow and steady. “This is a deep cut and even without the blood thinners you’re on, it would still need some stiches. Alright? So let’s go get it taken care of.” 

Buck was chewing on his bottom lip, his gaze shifting between Eddie and his hand, before he released a frustrated huff and gave a reluctant nod as he ducked his head. 

Eddie replied with a nod of his own, relieved he didn’t have to waste any more time trying to convince Buck that his wound was a bit beyond that which could be remedied by one of Christopher’s Batman Band-Aids. Eddie reached back and snagged a clean towel off the shelf behind the door, giving the water another moment to wash away a little more of the blood before pulling the injured appendage out from beneath the tap. 

He cursed beneath his breath as blood immediately flooded Buck’s palm, making it impossible for Eddie to see what he was looking for. 

“Is there still glass in it?” He asked, glancing up at the younger man’s face. 

Buck nodded. “There’s a couple shards I was trying to get out, but I couldn’t see them past—

“All the blood.” Eddie finished bleakly, frowning down at the waterfall of red that was pouring off his boyfriend’s hand. He needed to place pressure on the wound, but wouldn’t be able to wrap it as tightly as he wanted to if there was still glass embedded into it. 

He pressed his lips together as he washed out the wound once more before switching off the tap.

“How’d this happen anyways?” He asked, partly out of curiosity and partly in an effort to distract his boyfriend as pressure was placed on his injury – Eddie securing the towel as tightly as he dared around Buck’s hand. 

“Was trying to hang the lights, but I lost my balance, stupid leg gave out.” He explained, hissing in pain – instinctually attempting to pull away from the source of discomfort, but Eddie’s firm grip on the slim wrist kept the bloodied appendage where it was. “I was sill holding the lights when I feel and I must’ve been wrapped around one of the stars cause I felt it smash into my hand when I hit the floor.”

“You hurt anywhere else?” Eddie asked, his eyes scanning the tall frame. 

Buck simply shook his head, the motion causing him to stumble just a bit. 

“Shit. We’ve got to get you to the hospital.” The worried boy stated, scowling down at the white towel that was already stained red. He clenched his jaw as he gently unwrapped it before tossing it carelessly into the sink and grabbing another clean towel to replace it. He wrapped the laceration up once again, keeping a hold of Buck’s wrist and wrapping his other arm around the slim back as he directed his boyfriend cautiously down the stairs and towards the door. 

“Keep pressure on that and keep it elevated.” Eddie instructed as he loaded Buck into the passenger seat, waiting for the confirming nod before pushing the door closed and rushing around the vehicle.

“M’okay, Eds.” Buck assured softly as older man jumped in behind the wheel and peeled out of the parking lot. 

Eddie’s only response was to clench his jaw. Because that sure as fuck wasn’t true. Buck was hurt, he was hurt _again_. Eddie had failed to protect him _again_. He was so damn sick of standing by helplessly while his best friend was injured and bleeding. He knew tracking Buck by way of his blood trail was something Eddie wouldn’t be able to forget anytime soon – it was no doubt going to make a disturbing addition to the nightmares he already had about the man he loved being crushed by a truck or blown up or being swept away by a fucking tsunami. 

“M’sorry.” 

The mumbled apology came after several minutes and pulled Eddie from the tirade going on in his head as he raced through the city street, it prompted him to glance over to his right. 

“It was an accident, Buck, there’s nothing to be sorry for.” He stated rather bluntly, because he thought that fact to be particularly evident. 

“Yeah, I just…nevermind.” The younger man faded off with a sigh. 

Eddie didn’t like the defeated tone in Evan’s voice one bit, but he didn’t have time to poke and prod because he was pulling into the hospital parking lot. 

He tried not to look too closely at the blood dripping from the saturated towel as he pulled the taller boy from the vehicle and practically dragged him into the wing of the building dedicated to emergencies, like when someone had blood just pouring out of their body. He steadied Buck as he stumbled on the way to the admitting desk, wrapping a supportive arm around the younger man’s torso as he slowed his pace. Buck was growing paler by the minute and his lack of balance made it clear he was dizzy as well. Eddie knew he had already lost too much blood – the amount of red fluid that had painted the floor of the Buck’s apartment had already been too much, not to mention the amount that had been washed down the sink and now soaked two towels.

“Excuse me, this Evan Buckley, he’s an off-duty firefighter who sliced his hand open.” Eddie explained, pulling Buck closer as he arrived at the desk. 

“Fill out the form and take a seat. We’ll get to you when we get to you.” The lady stated flatly as she pushed a clipboard in their direction without even bothering to raise her eyes from the computer screen. 

Buck reached for the form with his uninjured hand, but Eddie swiftly swatted it away, snagging the clipboard and pulling Buck back towards him when he felt the long body shifting back towards the waiting room. 

“We’ll fill out whatever, but he can’t wait.” Eddie declared. 

“Everybody has to wait.” The nurse responded, blindly waving her hand at the two men, shooing them away. 

“Ma’am, my boyfriend is on blood thinners, and he needs help _now_ , right now.” Eddie demanded, not sure if it was the content of what he had said or the harsh way in which he spoke it that had the older lady finally looking up. 

“He seems okay to me.” She announced after glancing in Buck’s direction. 

Eddie scowled and looked over to his left, eyebrows raising as he was met with a dopey lopsided grin – the same grin that usually set butterflies loose in the older man’s stomach, but right now he was just concerned and confused. 

“Show her your hand please, Evan.” Eddie requested, his voice calm and steady, because he was worried the smile was a sign that Buck was a bit out of it, he couldn’t imagine another reason for it. 

The blonde boy blinked a couple times before raising the damaged appendage up and into view. 

Eddie turned back to the nurse behind the desk as he heard her gasp and watched as her eyes grew wide and her mouth hung open in shock; because yeah, the amount of blood leaking through the towel and pouring down the long arm was alarming as fuck.

“Holy shit! Why didn’t you say something?” The lady gasped as she jumped up and quickly ushered them into straight into an exam room. She practically pushed Buck onto the bed before scooting out of sight – presumably to go fetch a doctor. 

Eddie helped the taller man sit comfortably, while keeping his hand elevated. He swallowed sickly at the sight of all the blood – Eddie wasn’t squeamish in the least, but there was something about seeing blood on the man he loved that made his inside’s twist. He glanced impatiently towards the door and then back at Buck, looking at his face now, because the boy had a gorgeous face…but also because he didn’t want to stare at the wounded hand again. 

“What’s with the smile? You’re creeping me out here.” Eddie remarked, his tone joking even as he was worried by the seemingly out-of-place grin he was receiving. 

“Sorry.” Buck said, the smile fading a bit but not disappearing completely as he continued to stare at the older man, his eyes sparkling with something in between fondness and amusement. 

“What?” Eddie queried, an edge of irritation to his tone as his concern continued to rise. 

“You called me your boyfriend.” Buck responded, a smile returning to his lips, but this one far more shy than the last. 

“Babe, you _are_ my boyfriend.” Eddie responded evenly, reaching over to gently nudge the injured hand up higher, trying to keep it above Buck’s heart in a desperate attempt to get the blood to stop pouring out of the fucking thing. 

“Yeah, I know, but I’ve never heard you say it out loud before.” 

Eddie frowned, absently reaching forward to thumb a smear of blood of the side of Evan’s long neck, that couldn’t have been true. The two hadn’t been a couple for very long – but they were pretty much together for a year before either of them got the guts to make it official. Eddie certainly hadn’t been hiding his love for Buck – he couldn’t if he tried, and he hadn’t been shy at all about letting people know the two were dating…but he couldn’t actually recall ever actually publicly using the term ‘boyfriend’. 

“It’s okay, babe.” Buck assured, the pads of his fingers gently smoothing over the wrinkles Eddie knew must have been lining his forehead. “It’s not a bad thing – I just never heard it before, it caught me off guard is all, but in a good way.” The sweet man elaborated, tracing his way down the side of Eddie’s face, before reaching to snag the older firefighter’s hand. Buck entwined their fingers, bringing their joined hands up to his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss on the back of Eddie’s. 

Eddie melted. The way he often found himself doing around Buck, especially times like now when he was so blatantly soft and loving. Eddie had been so closed off for so long, spent so much time swallowing his own emotions – it was part of what had taken the two obviously smitten boys so long to actually start going out, because Eddie had closed himself off from everyone who wasn’t his son. And then Buck had come around, and in record time had somehow – with that lopsided grin and those brilliantly bright eyes -- wormed his way past every single one of Eddie’s barriers and into his well-guarded heart. Buck had never once been deterred or frustrated in the process of getting close to Eddie, and for that – the older man was grateful as fuck. 

Evan had been nothing but patient and loving, accepting both the Diaz boys just as they were and devoting himself to them in a way no body else on the planet ever had. 

Eddie leaned forward, overwhelmed by the love and adoration he felt towards the beautiful dimpled boy, swallowing back the ball of emotion sitting in his throat as his forehead connected with Buck’s. He took a moment to just breathe, before capturing those full red lips with his own thinner ones. The kiss was sweet and pure, and it soothed Eddie in ways that nothing else on earth ever had. Buck hummed softly as they parted, which made Eddie smile as he stayed close, the two boys sharing each other’s air. 

“I love you.” They whispered in unison, both laughing at the synchronicity of the declaration. Well, Eddie chuckled and Buck giggled, ducking his head in that shy way that always made the older man’s heart flutter in absolute adoration. 

He wondered if there would ever be a day where that wouldn’t be the case. 

He didn’t imagine so. 


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m not doing it.” 

“Yes, Mr. Buckley, you are.” 

“It’s not happening, Doc.” 

“Mr. Buckley, as the nurses have informed you _several_ times, once you have been admitted it is mandatory that you put on the hospital gown.” 

“Well, I don’t want to be admitted.” Buck declared, crossing his arms with a pout on his face, a look Eddie had seen several times before…on his _child_. Eddie twitched an amused smirk from where he stood a few steps away from the bed – allowing the doctor some room to deal with his patient. The same doctor that had apparently treated Buck on several occasions, because the two were tremendously familiar with one another.

“I am very aware of that, young man, but seeing as how we are going to have to get at least a quart of blood in you – you need to be admitted.” 

Eddie’s amusement vanished at the mention to just how much blood his boyfriend had lost that day, his heart clenching at the terrifying realization that he could have lost the man he loved… _again_. 

“I can’t believe you’re really admitting me for a cut.” Buck groaned. 

Eddie pursed his lips about to tell Buck off for making light of what had happened – or even more terrifying, what _could_ have happened; but the doctor beat him to it. 

“We have spoken about this repeatedly, Evan, you know the effects of the anticoagulants you are on – and you know every injury no matter how superficial it may seem, is to be taken seriously, especially if it breaks your skin.” 

Buck’s only response was to roll his eyes at the lecture, which had the doctor grimacing in obvious irritation. 

“I’ll make sure he puts the gown on, doc.” Eddie declared, stepping forward and snagging the garment that multiple medical personnel had already tried to force onto the miserable lad. 

The older man turned to him, giving him an appreciative nod. “We’ll give you a couple minutes to get settled and _changed_.” He emphasized, levelling Buck with a stern look, before continuing. “And someone will come back in to get an IV in you with some fluids and get you hooked up so we can start on getting that blood of yours replenished. 

Buck looked like he wanted to argue the plan of action, but he closed his mouth as his good hand moved up to cradle his skull – he was bound to be lightheaded. 

“Just rest for the night, Mr. Buckley. We’ll get a quart of blood in you, maybe two, and you’ll be able to go home in the morning.” The doctor stated, not unsympathetically.

“Thanks, Doc.” Eddie called out, once it was apparent that Buck had absolutely no intention of acknowledging the older man, who nodded as he left the room. “Alright, babe, let’s get this fancy outfit on you.” 

Buck scowled. “They already stitched me up, why the hell should I have to put that on now?” 

“I’m pretty sure they would have put it on you earlier, but they were pretty busy trying to stifle your bleeding long enough to get you stitched.” Eddie pointed out, shivering slightly as he recalled having to stand back and watch the chaos that surrounded his boyfriend as so many people had worked to get the blood to stop pouring from the wound long enough to dig the glass out and stitch the damn thing shut. 

Buck rolled his eyes, huffing as he tugged his t-shirt off over his head – the button-up having already been cut off by the doctors (which of course Buck had bitched about, but Eddie was happy to see the clothing article disappear because it was covered in blood and he didn’t want to lay eyes on the damn thing again). 

Buck’s moves were sluggish and uncoordinated, more evidence that the boy had lost too much blood, as he fought his way out of his shirt, not being the least bit mindful of his injury. “Hey, quite that. Be careful.” Eddie chastised, reaching forward to untangle the shirt from where it was stuck on the heavily wrapped appendage. 

Buck huffed, the small burst of movement had him out of breath. 

“The doc was right, Ev, you need to _rest_. I don’t think you understand how much blood you lost.” Eddie mentioned, as he exchanged the t-shirt for the dreaded gown. 

“Don’t worry about this. I can do it, you have to go get Christopher.” Buck declared, clumsily grabbing for the hospital garment he had just spent so much time rejecting. 

“He’s staying with my abuela.” Eddie explained, ignoring Buck’s reach and sliding the gown over his head. 

“Yeah, but you were supposed to get him. Remember? You were supposed to pick him up for dinner. You’ll be late.” 

Eddie frowned, gently threading Buck’s arms through the sleeves of the gown. “Dinner was hours ago, mi querido.” 

“Hours?” The firefighter croaked in confusion. 

Eddie simply nodding, not wanting to elaborate on the fact that Buck was obviously struggling to keep track of time, his mind sure to be clouded. “I’m going to help you get your jeans off, alright?” It was more of a warning than a question, but Eddie waited for a consenting nod nonetheless. 

“I could just keep them on.” Buck suggested, even as he used his one working hand to help wiggle the pants off his hips. 

“Nah, you’ll be comfier in sweatpants.” The older man stated, not mentioning the fact that Buck’s jeans were also stained with blood and really needed to go. 

“I don’t have any here.” 

“I’ve got a clean soft pair in the truck that I’ll grab for you.” Eddie explained as he haphazardly folded the pants and tossed them on top of the bloodied t-shirt, intending to throw both items in the trash the moment he had the chance. He had already planned to grab the sweatpants from the work bag in his truck, but had not yet been able to force himself away from his injured partner’s side. 

Buck was shifting about, trying to get the gown to cover him properly, but Eddie reached out and snagged the thin wrist. 

“Eds?” 

The Diaz man pulled the hospital garment away from Buck’s hip, where a large dark bruise had blossomed. His face twisted in concern as he looked up questioningly at Buck – he couldn’t have possibly failed to notice such a violent mark on his boyfriend’s body? There couldn’t have been another accident, another dangerous situation that he had not only failed to protect Evan from, but had managed to not even take notice of!?

“Nothing serious, hip hit the ground when I fell off the stool is all.” Buck supplied. 

Eddie pressed his lips into a firm line, nodding briskly. He knew the blood thinners caused Buck to bruise easily and rather severely, but that didn’t make it any easier for Eddie to swallow. He wouldn’t ever be okay with the man he loved being hurt. He watched Buck shiver as the cool filtered air hit his bare skin, and immediately unzipped his sweater. He had it wrapped securely around the slimmer frame and zipped up before Buck was able to form his objection. 

“You’ll be cold.” The blonde boy stated, his face pinched with worry and he reached up and grasped Eddie’s forearm. 

“I’ll grab my sweater from the truck when I get those pants for you.” 

“I coulda waited until then.” 

“It was best to get one on you before they get you all hooked up, which they should be coming to do shortly.” Eddie narrated, glancing impatiently out into the bustling hallway – it appeared to be a happening night at the hospital.

Buck grumbled, but relaxed back into the elevated mattress as he rubbed his temples. Eddie fiddled with the blanket, tucking it more securely around the slender frame as he waited for someone to hurry up and bring the blood that Buck needed. 

Once the injured man was finely hooked up to both the new blood and the fluids his body needed, Eddie finally felt secure enough to go grab the bag from the truck and call his abuela with an update. 

Eddie returned as quickly as he could relieved to see that Buck appeared to be resting quietly. Eddie roused him just enough to pull the sweatpants onto his legs and slip them up over his hips, but it didn’t take anymore than a soft command from Eddie for Buck to obediently close his eyes and swiftly fall back to sleep. Eddie smiled fondly down at the younger man, as he combed his hand through the dirty-blonde hair – something he had recently learned always managed to soothe the unsettled soul. Buck had been a rather restless sleeper for as long as Eddie had known him, and he suspected much longer, but he hoped that the exhaustion and the blood loss and the pain meds would all work together and allow the weary boy to get some much-needed rest. 

Eddie was hunched over in a chair he had pulled up next to the hospital bed, holding his boyfriend’s hand, and dozing in and out for a number of hours, before he noticed Buck beginning to rouse. The younger man’s good hand gripped Eddie’s more firmly before his eyes cracked open, the blue orbs murky as exhaustion appeared to still have a firm hold on the firefighter. Eddie leaned down and pressed a kiss on the back of Evan’s hand, before straightening up and smiling at him, gently smoothing down the sleep-mussed hair.

“Y’should go’home, n’celebrate New Year’s with Chris.” Buck slurred as stared up at Eddie. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Buck. Besides, Christopher would’ve been in bed hours ago, mi cariño.” Eddie replied. 

“He doesn’t get to stay up for midnight?” Buck questioned, visibly appalled by the notion, his expression making the older man chuckle. 

“Abuela said he certainly tried, but he passed out a bit early.” Eddie explained with a wink. 

“You should go – take the whistles and the glasses and wake him up at midnight. He’d like that.” 

“It’s well past midnight, Ev.”

Buck’s face scrunched up at the comment, shivering slightly, turtling into Eddie’s sweater and attempting to wrap his arms around himself – frowning at the pull from the tubes connected to one of his limbs. 

“He called earlier, but I didn’t want to wake you. He was worried but I assured him that you’re going to be okay and promised him we’d celebrate the New Year as soon as you feel up to it. He’s excited.” Eddie commented, reaching down to grab the thin hospital blanket and spread it over the long legs.

He heard a quiet sniffle, and his head popped back up, alarm pounding through him at the sight of tears streaming down that perfect -- albeit it far too pale -- face.

“Buck? Baby, what’s the matter? What’s going on? Are you in pain?” Eddie asked, glancing around for something that looked like a call button. 

The younger man was shaking his head, rubbing his tears away in a rough fashion that suggested frustration. 

“Talk to me, mi amor.” Eddie prompted, bending in close, his soul aching at the distress he could see on his boyfriend’s expression. 

“M’just really sorry.” Buck announced miserably, hiccupping as more tears slid down his face, Eddie reaching forward to gently swipe them away before he palmed the side of the pale face, his thumb sliding back and forth across the damp cheekbone. 

“For what? It was an accident, babe.” Eddie insisted, finding it absurd Buck would apologize for getting injured, that man had been plagued with the worst luck known to man since Eddie had laid eyes on him and probably long before that.

Buck shook his head, his gaze down as he sniffled. “I wanted it to be perfect.” 

The words were spoken so quietly that Eddie had to strain to hear them, he tried to figure out what Buck was talking about – he knew the emotional overload could have a lot to do with the younger man’s extreme level of exhaustion, from both the blood loss as well as a sheer lack of sleep. Buck had been overworked and under slept before he lost a great deal too much blood. Exhaustion would be a complete understatement to describe what the wounded boy had to be feeling. But even though Eddie was sure a lot of what he was seeing was related to bone-deep depletion, he still wanted to know what was going on inside his boyfriend’s head. 

“Wanted what to be perfect?” He wondered aloud. 

“New Year’s Eve.” 

Eddie squinted at the comment, not all that sure what to make of it. “We can celebrate later, babe, it’s not a big deal.” 

“It was supposed to be perfect. We had to work during Christmas and it’s our first New Year’s Eve together, like together – _together_. And I wanted to make it perfect for Christopher and for you.” Buck proclaimed, looking up at Eddie with a wide misty gaze. “But instead I fucked it all up, like I always do. I ruined it.” He rasped, clenching his jaw and looking down angrily at himself. 

Eddie opened and closed his mouth a time or two before he could figure out a response to give, because what the hell was he supposed to say to that? How was he supposed to even process a remark that was so incredibly inaccurate – that wasn’t close to true or in the realm of possibility. 

Buck had curled into himself and was looking absolutely miserable, like he had done something unforgivable – and it made Eddie’s heart ache. Eddie reached out, placing two fingers beneath his boyfriend’s, directing his head up until the brown eyes were able to lock onto the blue ones. 

“You have not ruined a damn thing.” He declared, voice strong with confidence, but edged with desperation, because he so badly needed Buck to understand. 

“Of course I did. We were all supposed to celebrate together, just the three of us, and now because of me – because I got hurt – not only can we not all be together, but none of us will have any fun.” 

“C’mon, Buck. You’ve met my abuela, I’m sure Christopher had lots of fun. And we can all celebrate the New Year once you’re feeling up to it.” 

The younger man just shook his head, pulling it away from Eddie’s touch and dropping his chin to his chest as he sniffled, swiping haphazardly at his eyes. 

Eddie huffed as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to those long legs. He placed one hand on Buck’s thigh, rubbing his thumb back and forth soothingly and patiently waiting for the younger man to look up at him. He waited and waited, but the dimpled boy appeared to only shrink further into himself, eventually Eddie ran out of patience and reached up to gently but firmly grasp Buck’s chin and force his head up. Reluctance poured off of him, but the injured firefighter allowed himself to be manhandled well enough, and looked at the older boy. 

Eddie had known what he was going to say, but it took him longer to form the words as he was hit with the sheer force of emotion pouring from those two painfully expressive blue eyes. 

“You have never once ruined anything. Not for me and not for Chris.” Eddie declared, finding it utterly ridiculous that he had to specify such an obvious fact, but it would seem that Buck’s guilt complex had reared its ugly head once again. “Not once, Buck.” 

The younger man gave a helpless shake of his head, trying to pull away, but this time Eddie wouldn’t allow it and held his chin in place. 

“You always make everything better.” Eddie decreed. 

Buck’s eyes filled with moisture as he shook his head, but at least he didn’t try to pull it out of Eddie’s fingers this time. 

“It’s the truth, babe.” The older man insisted. 

“It’s not.” Buck croaked. 

“It _is_.” Eddie emphasized. 

“Not.” Buck whispered. 

Eddie took a breath, organizing his thoughts as he prepared to make a case for a trial that had no right to exist in the first place. “Why do you think my son wanted to spend Christmas with you?” 

The blonde boy frowned, visibly confused by the conversation, but thankfully he went along with it. “Cause he couldn’t spend it with you.” He supplied with a shrug. 

“Exactly. He couldn’t be with me, so he chose you. Not because he thought you’d give him loads of presents or because he assumed your apartment was decked out with a big tree and loads of lights; he chose you over everyone else in his life because he knew that _you_ would make everything okay. He knew he would be spending Christmas without his dad, so he chose the only person on this planet that could make that okay – he trusted that you would make it better. Just like you do with _everything_.” Eddie implored, putting in effort to speak clearly past the ball of emotion trying to suffocate him. 

“But I couldn’t even spend it with him – we were both working.” 

Eddie nearly rolled his eyes – leave it to Buck to totally miss the fucking point. “You did actually – we were all able to spend it together because of you, because you made that happen, because you found a way to make a shitty situation so much better.” Eddie responded, using Buck’s own rationalizations against him. 

The younger man didn’t offer up any further argument, but he still didn’t look convinced. 

Eddie slid his hand along his boyfreind’s jawline and onto the back of his neck, squeezing it gently as he shifted impossibly closer, leaning into Buck’s space and talking soft but certain. “You have made both my life and Christopher’s life better since the moment we met you. _You_ found me help when I needed it before I had any idea how to ask for it. _You_ brought my son the help he needed and supported both of us through the process – even when you had no reason or responsibility to do so. You have been looking out for both of us for years. You have spent so much time with Chris and have made him smile more than anyone else ever did. You saved him.” 

Buck shook his head in denial for the third time, even as tears streamed down his cheeks. Eddie had been expecting the reaction but it still wrenched his heart, he had worked so hard to make Buck believe that he hadn’t failed Christopher – but the stubborn man was still convinced he was to blame for the outcome of a natural fucking disaster. 

“You did, you saved him. You’ve always had his back, just like you’ve had mine. From the beginning you’ve loved both of us unconditionally.” 

Buck didn’t deny the last statement, his eyes growing impossibly bigger as he seemed to be digesting each word. 

“Evan, mi amor, you have made our life so much happier and safer and more peaceful – and _better,_ since the moment you walked into it.” Eddie confessed, wiping the falling tears from his boyfriend’s face as he ignored the ones he could feel sliding down his own. “And not because of anything you gave us or any big plans you made – but because of who you _are_.” Eddie decreed through his tears as his left hand moved from Buck’s thigh to splay over his heart. 

The younger man reached out to grasp the front of Eddie’s sweater, his bright gaze searching for something – maybe truth, as they oozed as much shock as they did love. 

“You have never ruined a thing, Buck. You hearing me? Not a damn thing.” 

The uncertainty finally faded from the blue eyes, grateful adoration quickly taking its place, as Buck replied with a slow nod – it was a bit unsteady but Eddie would take what he could get for now. 

He felt relief wash over him as he was tugged forward by the front of his sweater, eagerly meeting those perfect lips that responded with the same level of need that Eddie felt thrumming through his own veins. The kiss was infused with a pure unadulterated love, along with hints of serenity and desperation. 

Once the two men parted, they pressed their foreheads together for a moment, both catching their breath, before Eddie wrapped his arms around the beautiful boy he loved so much and pulled him into his arms. Buck burrowed into the hug, his hair tickling the older man’s chin as he tucked his head against Eddie’s collarbone. 

Eddie hugged Buck close, wishing if he held the slender frame tight enough that he could heal his boyfriend from the inside-out.

Buck was full of energy and joy and had a smile that was completely contagious; he also projected a lot of confidence and bravado that were nothing more than defenses built to protect a boy who was drowning in hurt and insecurities. Buck found ways to blame himself for everything under the sun and his self-worth had been dwindling for as long as Eddie had known him – and probably far longer than that, a thought which never failed to make the older man’s heart clench violently inside of his chest. 

Eddie hated how little Buck thought of himself and it killed him to watch the man he loved carry such undeserving burdens on those broad shoulders.

He hated it.

And he was determined to change it. He was going to find a way to make Evan understand just how precious and beautiful his soul truly was, how he deserved the world and every good thing it had to offer because he was the greatest man Eddie had ever known. He knew he couldn’t just say the worlds, sure Buck would blush and maybe smile, but then he would make a quip and disregard the declaration as nothing more than kind words or an attempt to flirt. 

No, the mission to rid of Buck’s guilt complex and raise his self-worth was not one that could be completed overnight, but Eddie had made an internal vow sometime ago that he would never stop trying. 

“Chris and I don’t need lights and dorky glasses and a bunch of food to have a good New Year, Ev. We just need you.” Eddie proclaimed, his voice hoarse with emotion as he spoke into Buck’s ear. 

“You have me, both of you have me – you always will.” The younger man responded with a whisper, pressing a kiss to the hollow of Eddie’s neck before nuzzling impossibly closer. 

Eddie gripped tighter to the slim body and pressed a kiss into the sandy-blonde hair.

Eddie would do whatever it took to take care of the man he loved, and he knew Christopher would as well – in his own way. 

Because their Buck was worth it. 

He was worth _everything._

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to get this up on New Year's Eve - but I ended wrecking my back and now I've got four vertebrae all fucked-up so I legit had to type this all out while being fully horizontal and it was difficult af. But here it is. Hopefully someone enjoys it! Thanks for reading! Please comment/review if you have a moment. - SJE


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